


all the nights seem just a little darker

by neoncrayolas



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Comfort, Firefam Feels, Light Angst, Multi, No Romance, mentions of blood but like so mildly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:41:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23834770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neoncrayolas/pseuds/neoncrayolas
Summary: Buck is used to being alone - it's just ingrained in him at this point. But to accept that he's not alone anymore? Sometimes it's not that easy.Or, 5 times Buck assumes he's alone, and 1 time the firefam proves he's not.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Howie "Chimney" Han, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 290





	all the nights seem just a little darker

**Author's Note:**

> me: yeah guys, I'm gonna write these prompts every few days because I'm so bored!!!!   
> also me: writes exactly one prompt, then disappears for four weeks having mental breakdowns and stress eating 
> 
> Technically, this isn't a Buddie prompt, so I'm not adding it to the series. I literally wrote this in one sitting today - most of it during a zoom class - after having the idea last night. 
> 
> Also, I obviously completely made up the "re-test" that firefighters have to take - I literally have no idea if that's a thing and am too lazy to look it up, so for the sake of the story, just pretend it's a real thing lmao

_1._

“Where’s Buck?” Eddie asked as he sat down for breakfast with Chim and Hen. Bobby walked up to the table with a plate of bacon and glanced around the loft.

“I’m not sure. I assumed he was still getting ready in the locker room.”

Chim shook his head. “Nope, was just down there.”

Eddie frowned and reached for his phone. “Did he text any of you to say he wasn’t going to be here today?”

They all pulled their phones out, and just as Eddie found his texts with Buck, he heard someone coming up the stairs.

“Hey guys,” Buck said sheepishly, running a hand through his hair. “Sorry I’m late.”

“Miss your alarm, sleeping beauty?” Hen teased, putting her phone away.

Buck chuckled. “Nah, my jeep broke down yesterday on the way home from work. Had to wait almost two hours for a tow, and then had to catch the bus this morning. Guess I miscalculated the times.” He looked to Bobby. “Sorry, Cap, I’ll be sure to catch an earlier one tomorrow.”

While he’d been talking, Buck sat down in his usual spot next to Eddie, grabbing a plate. He didn’t notice everyone staring at him until he realized he was the only one getting food.

“What?” Buck asked.

“Why didn’t you ask any of us for a ride?” Hen asked gently.

Buck shrugged. “I knew you and Eddie had to be here earlier than the rest of us, and by the time I got home last night, it was too late to bother anyone.”

“We’ve given you rides before, though, Buck – we give each rides all the time,” Chim said. “And you and I were due at the same time today.”

“It’s really not a big deal,” Buck said. “To be honest, I didn’t think of calling anyone – like I said, I didn’t want to bother you guys. It was late.”

“Buck next time, call me, please,” Eddie said, almost exasperated. “You know I don’t care what time it is – you can always call, okay?”

Buck gave him a weird look but nodded awkwardly. “Alright.”

Before anyone could say anything else, the alarm sounded. Breakfast was abandoned, and the incident was seemingly forgotten.

_2._

“Hey, Chim, when did you take your annual recertification for the department?” Buck called as he came down the stairs to where the older man was washing the trucks.

Chim paused, thinking. “Two months ago. Brutal, as always. Why? Yours coming up?”

“Mine was yesterday, and I’m unsure about this one part of it, so I wanted to ask –”

Chim dropped the soapy sponge into the bucket, leaning against the truck. “Hold on, Buckaroo. Your test was yesterday? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“…about what?”

“Your test, man! That recertification is pretty damn hard, and you know we always help out when we can when someone needs to study for it.”

Buck shrugged. “I just studied for it when we had down time here, and at home. I normally don’t do anything after work, so it just made sense to study then.”

“Study what?” Bobby asked, coming down from his office.

Chim whirled around, look of disbelief still on his face. “His recert! Bobby, Buck’s test was yesterday!”

Bobby’s scrunched up into something that Buck couldn’t quite place. “Buck, I’m so sorry. I had it on my calendar and everything – I was going to ask if you thought you were prepared enough for it, and if there was anything I could do to help.”

Buck laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Guys, it’s really not – I mean, I studied for it, and I think it went fine. There was just one part I wasn’t sure about, but I’m sure I did fine.” He shot Bobby a crooked smile. “’Sides, if Bobby hasn’t fired me for all of the stupid shit I’ve done over the past two years, doubt he’d fire me if I failed one part of the test.”

Bobby laughed this time, shaking his head. “Tell us next time, Buck. You know we’re more than happy to help you out.”

“Guess you _have_ taken that test more times than all of us combined, Cap,” Buck said playfully, still grinning. Chim let out a barking laugh and went back to cleaning the truck. Bobby just shook his head again, but Buck saw the soft smile on his face.

“Make a joke like that again and I’ll make sure you’re the one washing these trucks for a month,” Bobby tried to say with a straight face, but after Chim snorted into the sponge, he laughed out loud again.

Buck couldn’t quite put his finger on it but something just felt – right.

_3._

“Buck, what the hell happened to your arm?” Hen asked, grabbing at it the second Buck walked out of the locker room. Buck hissed and yanked it back.

“Shit, Hen, be careful. I got stitches last night, and I didn’t take the pain medication this morning because I knew I had to come to work –”

“I’m sorry, did you say you got _stitches_ last night?” Hen demanded. She grabbed at his arm again, more carefully this time, and led Buck over to the back of the ambulance. Sitting him down, she slowly peeled the large bandage off of his arm. Her face went white.

“ _Buck_ ,” she said. “What the hell?”

Across Buck’s forearm was a five-inch gash, carefully sewn together. The edges were red, and Hen knew if she were to touch it, it’d hurt like hell.

“Hey, Hen, do you have –” Eddie started to ask, coming around the side of the ambulance, but stopped when he saw Buck’s arm.

“Buck,” Eddie said, dropping his stuff and rushing forward. He grabbed Buck’s arm from Hen.

“Can you guys stop grabbing my arm?” Buck asked irritably, taking it back. He tried to reach for the bandage that Hen was still holding. “It hurts like a bitch, and I’m tired.”

“What the hell happened?” Eddie snapped.

“ _Nothing_ ,” Buck insisted. Hen wouldn’t let him have the bandage, instead hopping up into the back of the rig, coming back with some anti-bacterial ointment and a new bandage. She took his arm gently, using a cotton swab to sweep the gel on carefully as possible. “I was building myself a bed frame last night, and my arm got caught on a sharp piece of wood.”

“Did you –”

“I’m up to date on all my shots,” Buck said tiredly, relaxing into the cooling sensation on his arm now. Eddie took the bandage from Hen and started to wrap Buck’s arm when she was finished. “I’m off the blood thinners, so that wasn’t a concern. I just drove myself to the –”

“You _drove yourself to the damn hospital_?” Eddie asked, scrubbing a hand down his face. “Why didn’t you just call one of us?”

“I managed to get the bleeding under control,” Buck started. “I didn’t want to use EMS time or resources _because_ I got it under control, and it was like, 10 at night. I wasn’t going to bother anyone when I was perfectly capable of driving myself to the emergency room.”

Hen and Eddie looked at each other, then back to Buck. Buck felt like a child who was being scolded. He stood up.

“Look, it’s not a big deal. Thanks for patching me up. I’m fine. I didn’t take the pain meds this morning because I knew I had to come into work. I was just on my way up to Bobby to let him know I’m fine with light duty for a few days – I won’t go out on any calls.”

The other two could hear how unhappy Buck sounded at that but were relieved they at least didn’t have to lecture him on looking out for himself.

As the younger man turned to walk away, Hen reached out for his uninjured arm. He turned to see her and Eddie looking at him with something like concern written across their faces.

“Buck,” she said softly. “We weren’t trying to make you sound – incompetent or anything. We’re just worried about you. You’re our friend, and you got hurt. Badly.”

Eddie made a noncommittal noise and laid his hand on Buck’s shoulder. “Seriously, Buck. Don’t think you can’t call us.”

Buck wasn’t sure what to say to that, but nodded tightly and smiled, before heading upstairs to talk with Bobby.

_4._

“Hey, any insight as to why Buck called off work today?” Chim asked Maddie as he sat on the couch next to her. Both had had a long day at work and were looking forward to a slow night at home.

Maddie turned to look at her boyfriend. “Buck called off work today?”

“Ah,” Chim said. “I see he didn’t tell you either.”

“Buck hasn’t called off work since –”

“– he’s been back after the lawsuit,” Chim finished for her. “That’s why we all thought it was weird that he did. And none of us can reach him – his phone’s been off all day.”

At that, Maddie stood up, immediately going for her purse. “Come on. We’re going to his apartment.”

As much as Chim had been looking forward to a quiet night in, he knew Maddie was right – something was up, and they should check on Buck.

The drive over was quick, and the minute they got to Buck’s door, Maddie knocked swiftly. Buck didn’t answer right away, but as Maddie was digging in her purse for her key, the door swung open to reveal Buck standing there in black dress pants and a half-unbuttoned white dress shirt. He looked _exhausted_ and his eyes were rimmed red.

“Oh, hey guys,” he said, clearing his throat.

“Buck?” Maddie asked, alarmed at her brother’s appearance. “What happened? Are you alright?”

“Yeah – yeah, Mads, I’m fine,” Buck said, trying to calm his sister down. He reached an arm out and pulled her to his side, giving Chim a small smile over her head.

“What’s with the suit, dude?” Chim asked, stepping into the apartment and closing the door behind him.

Buck ran a hand through his hair. “I, uh – I got a call yesterday. An old friend of mine passed away, and his family wanted to let me know about the funeral and services. It was today, and I thought I should be there, so I called off. Hey, I know it was last minute, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to leave you guys hanging –”

“You went to a funeral _alone_ and you’re apologizing?” Maddie asked, punching Buck lightly on the shoulder. “Dumbass. Why didn’t you call me?”

“It was so last minute, and I knew you guys all had to work –”

“I would’ve gone with you!” Maddie said. “I would’ve taken the day off, Buck.”

Buck shrugged, going to the fridge and getting some water bottles out for them. “Honestly, like I said, it was last minute, and it’s not like any of you knew him so…”

“It was a _funeral_ , Buck,” Maddie said, and Chim nodded in agreement, sliding onto one of the bar stools. “And he was your _friend_ , that’s hard for anyone.”

Buck sat next to Chim, playing with the wrapper on his water bottle. “It was – a nice service. I hadn’t seen him in a while, so I wasn’t even sure I should be there, but I think – it was good that I went.”

Chim put his hand on Buck’s shoulder, and Maddie reached over to take her brother’s hand. “I’m sure his family appreciated the sentiment. Are you okay?”

Buck was quiet for a moment, mulling over the question.

“Yeah, I think I am, Mads.” He looked over at Chim, smiling. “Thanks for coming over to check on me. I appreciate it.”

“Anytime, man,” Chim said. “Anytime.”

_5._

The 14-story building was on fire, Buck was trapped on the 6th floor alone, his radio wasn’t working, and the smoke was growing thicker by the second.

Some would say the situation wasn’t looking too great.

He had come up here with Eddie, to clear the building, and they’d found a little boy who’d gotten separated from his family. Buck had insisted that Eddie bring the child back down before the fire got worse while Buck finished clearing the floor.

And then the fire did get worse – much worse, so much faster than Buck was expecting. And then, when he went to call Bobby, he discovered his radio had stopped working.

That’s when Buck wanted to start panicking, but he didn’t let himself. He had to think quickly, he had to get out of here before the building came down.

Crawling over to a window, he peeked out but could barely see anything through the thick smoke pouring out of the building, and the water coming from the hoses. Just as he was about to leave the apartment he was in to try the stairs again – the stairwell had been on fire when he’d tried it a few minutes ago – he saw something through the smoke: one of the ladders from the trucks swinging close enough to the window for him to _maybe_ jump onto it.

Buck shook his head. That was a risky move, even for him. But what other choice did he have?

Turning his face away from the window, Buck shoved his elbow through the glass until it shattered, using his gloved hand to clear the sharp edges away. It was just a big enough window for him to climb through, and it looked like there was a small awning under it that he could stand on, hopefully for just long enough before it gave out to jump to the ladder.

Before he had a chance to talk himself out of it, Buck climbed down onto the awning, feeling it creak beneath his feet. He was only going to get one shot at this. He could see the ladder more clearly now that he was outside, and by some stroke of luck, it was exactly level with him, maybe five feet from the ledge he was standing on. Without all of his gear on, it would have been an easy enough jump.

Realizing he was just going to have to go for it – the awning under his feet was shifting even more now, the smoke growing thicker, the building behind him shuddering, and the ladder could move any second –

Buck jumped. He put as much momentum as he could into his body and propelled himself forward, quite literally flinging himself at the ladder.

He faintly thought he heard someone call his name from below, but he was too concentrated on scrambling for the metal of the ladder. His upper body hit the frame with such force the wind was knocked out of him, and Buck gripped the ladder tightly. His legs hung below it, dangling to the street down below.

“ _Buck!”_

This time he was positive he heard his name – it sounded like Eddie. It was seconds later he felt the ladder start to descend from its position, and Buck squeezed his eyes shut, holding on tight. A few moments later, the ladder stopped moving, and he felt hands on his ankles.

“You can let go, Buck, we’re right here.”

That was definitely Eddie, and Buck trusted Eddie more than anything, so he let go of the ladder. Two sets of hands gently lowered him to the ground. Buck ripped off his mask, breathing hard. He looked around to see Hen and Eddie had been the ones to pull him down.

“Hey, guys,” he said weakly. “What’s hanging?”

Not the time to make jokes – Hen looked at him like he’d gone absolutely insane, and Eddie looked _pissed_.

“What the _fuck_ was that?” Eddie practically hissed.

“Hadda get out of the building,” Buck said quietly, trying to lay his head back. Now that he was out, he realized he was pretty much out of adrenaline and he was _exhausted_.

“Come on,” Hen said in the curtest voice Buck had ever heard her use. “Let’s get you to the ambulance. You’re going to have to go to the hospital.”

Buck felt like whining, like arguing, but right now all he wanted to lay down and shut his eyes. So he let Hen and Eddie lead him to the back of the ambulance.

Unfortunately, that was not the end of it.

“Buckley,” Bobby snapped, stomping up to them. “What the hell was that stunt you just pulled?”

“There was no other way out, Cap,” Buck protested, sitting up straight now. “The stairwell was on fire, my radio stopped working –”

“So your only option was to _jump out of a sixth story window_ onto a ladder that could’ve moved at any second, a jump that you got _so lucky with_ while you were wearing _45 extra pounds of equipment_?” Bobby nearly yelled. “Why didn’t you trust us to get you out of there? We knew you were still up there! We were working on it!”

“Was running out of time, Cap,” Buck muttered. “Saw the ladder, thought it was the only way to get out at the moment.”

Bobby ran a hand down his face. “Go get checked out. We’re talking about this later, whether you want to or not.”

Buck nodded, swallowing the lump that had appeared in his throat. Hen and Eddie helped him into the back of the rig and onto the stretcher.

Though he was thankful to finally be laying down, and that Hen and Eddie didn’t just leave him by himself in the back, Buck couldn’t help but think about how alone he felt in that moment.

_+1_

The thing is, Buck is just – used to being alone. He’d always _been_ alone – from the time he was ten years old, Evan Buckley was alone. Maddie left his parents’ house for college and went straight on to marry Doug, leaving Buck alone. His parents really could’ve cared less about having a second child, so Buck was left to fend for himself. Alone. He’d never been the best at making friends, never preferred to stick around anywhere. He roomed alone in college. Drove down to South America alone. Had some great flings down there, but ultimately left – alone. When he decided to join the SEALs, he didn’t have anyone there. He didn’t have anyone to tell when he decided it wasn’t for him. He didn’t have anyone there when he applied for the fire academy, when he passed his exams, when he was accepted to the 118.

So it was hard to accept now that he _wasn’t_ alone – that he had the 118, he had Maddie back in his life, he had _people on his side_. Sometimes it was just easier to do things alone, because that’s how Buck had always done them. And other times he genuinely _forgot_ he had people in his corner now.

Plus, the lawsuit incident was still fresh in his mind – when he had been left alone again, this time by _choice_. On purpose. And he knew the team had forgiven him, knew they meant it. But part of him didn’t believe them. Part of him was still pushing them away, bit by bit.

Maybe Buck wasn’t meant for people. Maybe he was just _meant_ to be alone. And by now, he’s pretty sure he’s okay with it.

Except for today.

Today was the anniversary of the truck bombing, and Buck was _not_ looking forward to those nightmares. He’d been on edge all day for reasons he couldn’t explain, but no one had brought it up, so Buck didn’t want to. He almost volunteered to take a double shift, but then realized he’d have to sleep in the bunkroom and didn’t want to risk keeping anyone up. So he resigned himself to the fact that he was going to be alone that night and had spent the better part of the day trying to figure out a way to deal with it.

“Hey, Buck,” Eddie said, coming up behind him in the locker room as they were getting ready to leave. “Come over tonight? Chris has been asking after you, we can have dinner and a game night.”

Buck couldn’t stop the relief coursing through him. It wasn’t a perfect solution, but it might get him out of his own head for a few hours.

“Yeah, man, that’d be great. I’ll pick up a pizza on the way over?”  
“Perfect,” Eddie smiled and clapped Buck on the back. “See you in a bit.”

As Buck headed towards Eddie’s house half an hour later, pizza in the passenger seat, he thought back to what had happened at the high rise the week before – Bobby had indeed benched him for five days, giving him chores around the firehouse to do, and writing him up. Buck knew he deserved it.

But he also started thinking – maybe he needed to start realizing he had people around him now – people that would be there for him in the long run.

Pulling up to Eddie’s house, Buck shook his head and grabbed the pizza. He couldn’t think about this now, not when the threat of the long night was looming over his head. Buck made his way to the front door, not bothering to knock and just going in. He was surprised to find the house dark and went for the light switch he knew was near the doorway. Maybe Eddie wasn’t home yet –

“SURPRISE!”

Buck nearly dropped the pizza, leaping back into the door.

Everyone was there – Maddie, Chim, Athena, Albert, Bobby, Josh, Eddie, Carla and her husband, all of the kids – everyone Buck loved and cared about jammed into Eddie’s living room, grinning at him like he’d hung the damn moon or something.

“What – what?” Buck stammered, straightening up.

Bobby stepped forward, and Buck tensed – they hadn’t really spoken since their argument. But the older man’s features were soft, and Buck felt an overwhelming rush of affection. “We knew how hard this day was going to be for you. And we didn’t want you to be alone. So Eddie and Maddie brought all of us together to make sure you weren’t.”

“You – you guys know what day it is?” Buck swallowed hard and set the pizza down on the end table. “You –”

“Buck,” Maddie said, coming up to him and giving him a hug. “A year ago, you nearly _died_. We nearly _lost you_. And we wanted to make sure you knew how much you mean to us, that we never _want_ to lose you.”

 _Dammit._ Buck felt tears gathering in his eyes, and he quickly shook his head, willing them to go away.

“You guys did this for me?” He asked hoarsely.

“Did you really think we forgot what day it was?” Eddie asked quietly, giving him a tight hug after Maddie let him go. If Buck practically clung to Eddie as the older man was talking, well, no one needed to know that. Eddie felt it, though, the tension leaving Buck’s body as he practically melted into his embrace. Eddie squeezed him a little harder, saying the next part just for Buck to hear. “No. You’re going to stay here, all night, even after everyone leaves. Chris is going to stay up as long as he wants with you. We’ll play video games, we’ll tell stupid stories, and you won’t be alone. Okay, Buck?”

Buck nodded, finally letting the tears out and letting go of Eddie.

“Thank you,” he said softly, smiling at each person in the room. “For being here.”

Buck had always been alone – his life, up until now, had consisted of him and him alone.

But not anymore.

He had people that he loved, that loved _him_ , surrounding him, and he knew in his heart that he would never be alone again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!!!! Always appreciate it :) 
> 
> I have a prompt similar to this one that I'd like to write, but I have to figure out how to make it different. ALSO, I know this isn't a ~buddie~ fic, but I made a [buddie playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0Ul71iXSlE9aQhJYRN1yjZ?si=OgyYQJy4QWup-4ytWM1_ng) on Spotify because why not, and I finally think I got it right so check it out if you want!


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